


How to know that you're still in England.

by Aki-tan (akinikko)



Series: 3 Days of Heaven... Or Hell... Who knows? [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen Walker is a Little Shit, Allen also calls the trio insults the British say, Allen calls Kanda all the pet names the British say, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Kanda has his fun, Kanda is an actual idiot, Kanda is constantly tense, Mature for insults and swearing mostly, Mentions of Timcanpy, Tesco Machine voice needs to DIE, You may not like so. Word of warning., Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akinikko/pseuds/Aki-tan
Summary: Allen finds an abandoned supermarket (Tesco) on their journey for supplies, and Kanda is thoroughly satisfied by the end... and not in that way.





	How to know that you're still in England.

**Author's Note:**

> A friend and I have been joking about this for like a year now... i dont know why sometimes.

The silence covered the area, as the sound of careful footsteps along stone scattered crack paths, the small sound of fabric against fabric was heard, if you listened close enough as one of two shifted the position of his gun on his back. Grey eyes turned back towards the car that he and his partner had left behind, the blurry shapes of their two friends waiting for them to gather supplies from the small town they had come across, and much to his disappointment he had to swap out with his buddy because he wasn't allowed to use his sniper when he was collecting.

"Kanda." The long haired male stopped and turned towards his companion, as the kid pointed at the slowly falling apart store. "This is the place."

"It looks like shit, Moyashi."

"Yeah like anywhere else is better. BaKanda."

A silent sigh left the one named Kanda, before he gripped the handle of his blade, and gestured for the other to enter. Grey eyes glared at his friend, as he blinked just to frown in confusion.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Lead the way, _Allen_."

Turning his gaze back to the building, his eyebrows furrowing as he did so. Carefully and as silently as possible he made his way into the supermarket, flinching when their boots crushed the already smashed glass beneath them. Turning to Kanda once again, before stumbling from being shoved by the Asian, and Allen just called him a few names under his breath before continuing his trail.

"Oi. Moyashi... shh for a minute."

They both paused, Allen grabbing his gun, as Kanda quietly drew his blade, then gestured towards the basket area. The teen stared at the blue baskets and frowned a little, a glint of recognition in them, before he looked around the run down shop.

"Wait... A second... I recognise this place..."

"That's nice and all... But can we hurry up."

"Huh... Oh... right, sure... love."

"I SWEAR--"

Allen covered the elders mouth, as Kanda gripped the handle of his blade more, colbalt eyes glaring at the side of Allen's head as the Brit looked around nervously. Grey eyes soon turned towards colbalt, as the honey skinned hand removed the pale one from his mouth, before Allen sighed and grabbed a basket.

"Look... Scream and shout at me all you want later, but not now." It was whispered, as he started to walk again. "I'm sorry alright, it just bloody slipped out, Kanda. I know you hate that bu--"

"Shut up. We'll talk later."

"Alright... Prick."

Kanda growled a little but just continued walking, the looked at what was left in the canned aisle, and there wasn't much which just made Allen sigh depressingly, before looking at other aisles. Kanda walked around the corner holding the basket of medicine, as the Brit nodded before nervously chuckling for forgetting about it.

"Y'kow, the only good thing that came out of this stupid apocalypse, was I didn't end up alone."

"Allen..."

They paused hearing static, Allen soon turned up his radio and looked around, as Kanda growled out the question they both had on their tongues, as Allen went back to pulling canned food into the basket, and set it down, slipping slightly around the corner, cussing quietly to himself, then getting back up just hoping to find some bottled water somewhere.

"What is it Tyki?"

《 I hate to break the little moment, but incoming. 》

"Tch... Moyashi lets g--" Kanda looked at the basket and growled. "Goddamit!"

《 Allen! 》

"Just... A second!"

"We don't have a second!"

"Kanda, stop being such a tosser and make a bloody second then!"

The Asian held in the shout, as he headed towards the entrance, quickly to check on the situation, hearing rushed footsetps, and a quiet _fuck_ as something clattered on the floor and then a cracked voice started up. Irritated blue eyes looked down and scowled down at Allen, as the kid just ignored him. Colbalt eyes switching between the wave of dead beings and his stupid partner who had began to cram everything as best he could into one of the bags, and the medicine in a seperate bag. Glare still aimed and still ignored by the teen, as Allen stood up again, turning back towards the shop. A hand gripped his wrist, before grey eyes turned to angered blue ones, but not the usual angry kind of anger more nervous anger.

" _Moyashi_."

"Look. I need to go out the back... Something is there, that we need."

"No. Pack the rest of that shit up and we are going."

"Kanda." The grip on his wrist tightened as he stared at the elder. " _Please_."

"I said no. We'll come back another time."

"But, Yu--"

" _Th-Than-ank you... For Shop-Shopping-ing at Te-Tes-Tesco._ "

Allen fell silent as the cracked and glitched out voice echoed around the shop as Kanda grabbed one of the bags, and Allen grabbed the shoulder bag holding the medicine, both of them turned towards the entrances between them.

"How far Tyki...?"

《 Well from here. It looks like they are right on your doorstep, boy. 》

《 Technically... You have an estimate of at least five minutes ta get your asses here. 》

"Actually less..."

Allen looked at Kanda before looking back towards the doors leading towards the store warehouse. Allen whined a little at the grip that tightened around his wrist, as he tugged his arm to try and get it free, before looking back at Kanda, frowning.

"And you wanted me to let you go in there?"

" _P-Plea-Please take yo-your receipt._ "

"Fuck off."

"I could've left you here." A small gulp was heard from Allen, as he shivered. "Play nice, _Allen_."

《 Wrong ear... Yuu-chan. 》

"Shut up Rabbit." 

《 Can we save that for the privacy of a bedroom and not when we are all about to die! 》

"   _P-Please take y-your cha-change!_ "

"Shut up Tyki! Why do you think we turned the communicators down!"

《 Back off, Boy. 》

"Take a page out of your own book, bloody arsehole!"

《 Shut the fuck up you Scouse prick. 》

"Fuck off, or I'll make sure you don't come back! Fucking knobhead."

《 I really love his accent. 》

"Get the bags Moyashi!"

" _Please take your ch-change... E-Espe-pecially y-you-your notes!_  "

《 Kanda... shut the fucking self service till up. 》

"Why me?"

"Because you have the blade." Allen mumbled. "Don't worry. I have your back, love." 

"  _S-Scan y-you-your club ca-ca- win clu-club ca-card poi-oints._ "

"I'll shut you up in a minute."

《 Guys please. Someone just shut it up! 》

"FINE!"

Kanda headed towards the service till, as Allen checked his ammo, and turned towards the elder, flinching lightly when the blade went straight through the screen.

" _T-Th-Thank you for-for-for sho-sho-shopping at-at-at-at--_ "

《 Thank fucking God! They are so fucking annoying. 》

" _Ple-please scan your clu-clu-clu-club ca-ca-ca-car--_ "

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL!"

Kanda glared at the rest of the self service machines running his blade through most of them, most being three out of the six surrounding him, before lifting his head towards the sound of a door being slammed open and rushed footsetps.

"YUU!"

"I KNOW!"

Kanda turned to the white haired sniper, as Allen stared at the area where the sounds of products hitting the floor came from, then back at Kanda. The sword wielder soon ran beside him, hand carefully on Allen's arm directing him out, as the zombies turned into veiw and Allen held back the feeling on throwing up last night's meal at their appearences.

"Lets go! NOW!"

"You know... Even if it hurts, I'm glad Tim didn't have to see this."

《 Guys you have ta get out, like _NOW_! 》 

"Allen..."

Kanda and Allen headed out of the shop, the younger grabbing the last bag, as silent gun shots rang through the air, both looking back slightly seeing the dead fall again.

"Moyashi. Give me the gun, and get the bags to the car."

"You sure, hun?"

"Would you stop calling me those names!"

"Sorry, okay fuck... give me the bag."

Allen passed Kanda the gun, before taking the bag, hearing the chuckling down the communicators as a loud shot rang through the air, and they turned back to the car seeing their red haired friend with Allen's sniper. Kanda just shoved the younger, a small smirk on his face as the Brit stumbled and let out an agitated growl at both Kanda and Lavi, then began to start running to the car again.

"Lavi. You mess her up in anyway, and you'll be joining your fucked up boy toy in the streets, you fucking pikey."

《 Hey now. I'm only a lil Irish, ya git. No need ta call me that. 》

 "Oh shut up and move."

Launching himself onto the back of the truck, setting the bags down before taking Lavi's spot with the sniper, he kneeled into position, smiling softly, and pulled the trigger, once, twice and a third time, quietly licking his lips.

"That's wrong... on so many levels, mate."

"Shut up Lavi. I didn't say anything prick."

"But you were thinking it."

"Time to go, boy."

"Wait. What the fuck, no you twat, not without him."

《 Allen. 》

"On it. Get ready to run, babe."

《 Just this once... I will let you off. 》

"Love you too. Now fucking get you ass back here."

Allen soon took out another three, as Tyki took out two before reversing the car, when Lavi helped the Japanese male into the back of the four by four, taking his gun back to kill off a few strays chasing them. The other two just sitting there, before Allen reached out to Kanda's hand, and gripping it tightly, as the elder softly squeezed it back. They all had lost something, and didn't want to loose anymore, of what they have found.

**Author's Note:**

> The joke is that even during an apocalypse... the Tesco self service machines would still run and are like the only thing that will let you know that you are in England still.
> 
> (Im pretty sure Tescos is in other countries... right... i sont remember.)
> 
> Also these little oneshots (unless stated otherwise) are gonna be random so read in whatever order you want.


End file.
